New York State of Mind
by Night.Owl.34
Summary: Or, the one in which Maya left New York and all of its history and hasn't been back in three years. Until now. Lucaya, Riarkle, Future Fic.
1. Chapter 1

I groaned as I juggled the tray of to-go cups I was holding, my keys, and my folders to try and dig my phone out of my bag. It was ringing again, not an unfamiliar thing these days, but this time it was a different ring. It was light, and frilly, and absolutely everything that had encompassed Riley since I'd known her. She'd set her own ringtone as soon as I'd gotten a phone and, it had been years accompanied by a few new phones, I'd never been able to bring myself to set it as anything else.

"Hey, Riles" I said, nestling my phone between my ear and my shoulder, once again trying to balance my belongings. I managed to shift the coffees and the folders so that I could get a better hold of my keys in order to let myself into the office.

"Maya?" I heard Riley ask, but the phone muffled whatever came after when my phone shifted as I jiggled the key in the lock of the old door and pushed it open.

I made my way into the office, kicking the door shut behind me. I still couldn't hear Riley clearly, and I had a million of other thoughts racing through my mind. Meetings at 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM, Hoffman deadline tomorrow, Foster deadline this afternoon at 4:00 PM, a messy desk that needed straightening, etc.

I set the tray down on my desk, dropping my keys onto the surface after it and letting my bag slump to the floor. I let out a sigh, pushed the hair out of my face and readjusted my phone.

"-ou even listening, Peaches?" I caught the tail end of Riley's sentence and realized that it must be important.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm here, just a lot on my mind. What's up?" I asked, sitting down at my desk and turning on my computer.

"Maya, did you hear any of what I said?" She asked, her voice softening and sounding a tad concerned.

"Look, Riles, I'm sorry, I didn't catch everything you said,"

"Maya-" Riley tried to interject.

"I just have a lot on my plate right now, and I tried to get to work early but I was running late and-"

"Maya!" I stopped and let out a breath.

"Sorry," I said quietly.

"He proposed," the line went quiet, my mind went blank.

Riley was clearly waiting with baited breath on the other end of the line for my reply as I didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Peaches?" She asked, her voice quiet.

"Sweetie that's great," I said, breaking into a big smile, "I'm so happy for you and Farkle," And I was, truly, genuinely happy. They'd been together long enough- since the end of high school- and they were incredibly happy together. He treated her like the queen she deserved to be treated as but also kept her grounded. She kept him humble and cheered on each great feat he conquered in his field. They were the most mutually supportive couple I knew and I was surprised that he hadn't proposed sooner.

I could hear Riley let out the breath she was holding and imagined her face lighting up and growing into a huge grin.

"Maya it was the most magical thing you could have ever imagined. We were in the park and there were flowers and a picnic and oh my god it was so perfect,"

I smiled, I was glad she'd found her prince charming. She deserved it, and the two of them really balanced each other out well.

I leaned back in my chair and curled my legs under me, slipping my shoes off. Screw coming into work early to do actual work, my best friend had gotten engaged and I needed to hear all about it.

Riley continued to cover every detail of the night before down to the shoes she was wearing and the temperature of the breeze in the air, and I sat contently listening to my best friend nearly burst with happiness.

After we'd been talking for a while and the sun had come up a little further, I glanced at the clock on my computer screen and realized it was nearing the time when everyone else was due to come into the office.

"Riles, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go soon," I apologized, sitting up and slipping my shoes back on.

There wasn't an answer and the line was unusually quiet compared to just moments before.

"Riles?" I asked again, checking to make sure my phone hadn't dropped the call.

"Yeah, I'm here," She said.

"What's on your mind, sweetie?" I asked, leaning back in my chair as I gazed out the large window next to me at the Seattle skyline.

"Farkle and I know it's going to be difficult to get everyone out here for the wedding, what with us all spread out all over the place," I knew that was mostly a lie. Everyone that I could think of her wanting to invite to the wedding was within reasonable driving distance. I was the bum best friend who'd moved clear across the country. I was the only one who was making things difficult.

"We were hoping to have an engagement party/celebration thing next month almost as a mock-wedding so that we would be able to celebrate with all of our friends and family- even those who might not be able to make it out for the actual wedding,"

"Riley, you know I'll be at the wedding, I wouldn't miss it for the world," I assured her.

"Maya, we want you to come to New York next month. We'll fly you out, you'll stay for a while, and we'll have a good time,"

"What? Riles, I have work, I can't just drop everything and leave, as much as I'd love to see you guys,"

"Don't fight me on this one, Maya," She said, her voice persistent.

My eyes widened, "Riley-"

"Farkle already got into contact with your boss, Jennifer, isn't it? He explained the situation, that it would be easier to bring you out here now than later when you're already in the throes of the holiday season and swamped with work,"

"What?" I asked, sitting up suddenly.

"She agreed that it would be easier to do now, in the Spring, when business is slow, than in late Fall and already gave you time off,"

"But Riley-"

"No buts, Maya, you're coming. Farkle will email you your travel info and we'll see you next week,"

"Riles-" I started but there was a soft click and then silence. I pulled my phone away from my ear and looked at it. She'd hung up on me.

"Shit," I whispered to myself, setting my phone back on my desk.

I hadn't been in New York for almost three years now. I'd seen Riley, of course. She'd come out here a few times and we'd met in Chicago when our work travel schedules had lined up, but I hadn't been back to our stomping grounds since I'd left for good.

I swore to myself again, but admired Riley's persistence and determination on this one.

"Guess I had to go back someday," I thought.

"It's for Farkle and Riley," I said quietly, "Anything for Farkle and Riley,"


	2. Chapter 2

"Peaches!" I heard Riley before I saw her. I quickly scanned the crowd as I exited the secure area after my gate. I spotted a very giddy Riley next to a much calmer Farkle. Farkle had his hand on her lower back and Riley was holding a sign decorated in marker with my name written on it. I grinned.

I made my way over to them and pulled Riley into a hug.

"Hey, Riles," I said, still smiling.

She pushed me back to arm's' length and held her hands against my shoulders. I grabbed her left arm and held up her hand, staring hard at the silver band on her ring finger. It was beautiful; small, graceful, and bright just like Riley. I smiled a huge smile and her and let out a bit of a squeal. Riley matched my actions before turning serious.

She began quite the routine. Standing on her toes to look at the top of my head, bending all around looking at me and even crouching down to inspect my feet, Riley was beginning to attract the gazes of onlookers. I stood with my hands wide as if I was being inspected by airport security.

"What are we looking for?" I asked Farkle with a smile.

"No idea," He mouthed back,

"I'm just checking you over to make sure you're still the same Maya that grew up here. It's been so long since I've seen you I wasn't even sure I'd recognize you anymore!" Riley explained.

I laughed, putting my hand on her shoulder to get her to stop her ridiculous check-over, "Riley, I saw you a few months ago in L.A."

"It's not the same!" Riley exclaimed, "You're different here, Maya, this is your home. We both know that. You left a piece of yourself here when you left us all behind for your job in Seattle, you left a lot of history here, and I think it's time you pick it back up,"

I smiled meekly and looked at both of them.

"I really missed you guys," I said quietly, grabbing hold of both of their hands, "Really, I did,"

"We missed you too, Maya, New York's not the same without its Hart,"

I squeezed Farkle's hand and smiled again.

A beat passed before Riley clapped her hands together, and grabbed hold of my bag, pushing me into the middle between her and Farkle, "Alright, gang, let's get this show on the road!"

I grabbed hold of Riley's hand and slung my arm over Farkle's shoulder, leaning into him.

Somewhere, deep down inside, a little piece of me was glad I was back in this city.

* * *

The next day I was curled up in Riley's office, on her specially built bay window, doing some work on my laptop for my next deadline. My boss had pushed back one of them and handed off the other to a coworker of mine, both things that I was grateful for. I knew I was supposed to be here to relax and to get a break from work to help Riley and Farkle celebrate, but all three of us knew that I was basically married to this job whether I liked it or not and that there would be no real "breaks" even while I was here in the city.

Riley and Farkle's cat, Violet, was snuggled up next to me, snoring softly against the still silence of the room. The only other noise was the sound of my fingers clacking on the keyboard yet I still couldn't find the focus that I needed to get my work done.

I'd been in there half the morning already when Riley knocked gently on the doorframe.

"Hey, Farkle's run out to the office quick to help on a project, and I figured you might want a break and some breakfast,"

She was holding two plates with pancakes on them in one hand and somehow balancing two mugs of coffee in the other.

I set my computer off to the side and stood up to help her. Violet mewed in protest as I retracted her heated pillow.

I took the mugs from Riley and set them down on the table in front of the bay window bench before sitting back down and lifting the cat onto my lap. Happy, she curled right back up into a little ball and let out a content sigh.

I took the mug of coffee held out to me by Riley and cradled it in my hands.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, and I glanced over at the plates of food. Riley wasn't exactly known for her fantastic cooking, and neither was I.

She let out a laugh, "Don't worry, Farkle made them fresh this morning, all I did was put them onto the plates," She held her hands up in surrender.

I smiled, "Good, wouldn't want to get food poisoning on my first day here," I said.

I shifted so my legs were folded underneath me, "So, how's the wedding planning going?"

She smiled and looked down at her coffee, "I mean, we just got engaged, so not much has happened, nevertheless it's all been great so far," She said.

"That's not what I want to talk about, though," She said, looking back up at me. I looked at her and then looked away.

"I want to talk about why you haven't been back in three years and all of the things you left,"

I scoffed, "Wow, way to get right to it, Riles," I looked out the window. There was a gorgeous view, Farkle really had given her the best.

"Maya, this is important, you can't just shy away from all of these things anymore. Ignoring them isn't going to make them go away!" She said.

I looked back at her, "Look, Riles, I'm here for you and for Farkle, maybe even a little bit for this cat, but not for him. Not for anything that happened or was left, I'm here for you two. That's it,"

"Maya-," She started, but I cut her off.

"I left for a reason, Riley, and you know that. I left when I needed to and I forgot everything that I needed to. That includes Lucas. I'm not here for him, Riley, and while I appreciate your efforts to get me to reconcile with him they aren't going to work. I know he's still your friend and one of Farkle's best, but he's no longer a part of my life. He hasn't been for three years, and I'm okay with that, I really am. _I_ left _him_ and what needed to be done was done," I tried to assure her.

"Maya, he was _your_ best friend, hell, you were together for six years, how could you have thrown that away?" She said, her voice raising, "Do you know how much you hurt him? Do you know what breaking up with him out of nowhere one day and up and leaving the next did to him? Did to us? I love you Maya, you're my best friend, but you hurt us all. I know you had your reasons, and I know you'll tell me the rest of them when you're ready but I just want you to think about this and just consider talking to me- talking to him,"

I looked down at my coffee that I was still nursing between my palms.

"Riley-,"

"Maya I don't want to intrude, and I don't want to be nosy, but you're stubborn. You always have been, that's just you. You're twenty-six now and you have become such a wonderful person and I don't want you to miss out on something that could have been," She stood up and grabbed the plates, still stacked high and untouched.

"Riley," I said, turning toward her. She looked at me, "I don't think I can talk to him,"

"Well," She said, taking a few steps toward the door, "You're going to have to, he's coming to dinner tonight,"

And with that she slipped out of the room. I looked down at Violet, still sleeping soundly on my lap and then back out the window. I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the mug of coffee that had now gone cold, trying my best to think of anything, anything other than Lucas Friar.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that evening I was just finishing getting ready for dinner. I slipped my shoes on and double checked my reflection in the mirror. 'This is as good as it's gonna get' I thought to myself, smoothing my dress.

I made my way out of the guest room that I was staying in, in Farkle and Riley's shared apartment and down the hall toward the kitchen. I stopped when I heard voices and realized that my two oldest friends were having a quiet conversation in the kitchen. I stood still and leaned against the wall, crossing one arm over my chest and bringing my other hand up to my mouth. I absentmindedly began to bite down on my thumbnail- an old habit I'd not been able to shake since I'd stopped painting and subsequently stopped having acrylic paint under my nails.

"What did she say?" I heard Farkle ask followed by the clinking of plates. They must have been setting the table.

"She didn't say much at all, granted, I kind of maybe didn't give her the chance to?" I heard Riley reply, sheepishly.

"What?" Farkle asked, I heard the clinking stop.

"I mean, we talked about it for a little bit, and she expressed that this was something she didn't think she could do,"

"Riley,"

"Farkle, I did it because I knew she wouldn't. It's time she faces this and it just so happened to work out tonight. She's my best friend, and I know you care for her too. We both do, and she knows that. I would never do something that would hurt her; she just needed a little push to get things going again,"

It was silent for a few moments.

"I understand. You're just trying to help her, and I believe she understands that,"

I could imagine Riley smiling, truly happy. She'd really found her person in Farkle.

"I love you, you know that?" I heard her say, her smile evident in her voice.

"Good, because I love you even more," He replied.

I took a breath and smoothed my dress again before walking out of the hallway and into the kitchen. Immediately, I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Ew! Gross! Kissing!" I said, childishly, placing my hands over my face.

"Peaches!" I peeked my eyes open and saw both of my friends smiling at me, Riley giving me a knowing look to tell me she thought I was being ridiculous.

Farkle was holding her close, his arms wrapped around her waist. Her arms were around his neck and they were both looking at me. They let go of each other and Riley came over to me and gave me a hug.

"It's gonna be okay, Peaches, everything's going to go just fine," She said, holding me back at arm's length.

"And, hey," Farkle chimed in, picking up the stack of plates leftover on the counter, "If anything happens, we all know I can beat him up for you,"

I laughed, "Farkle, Violet could be him up better than you, and she's a cat,"

He grinned and continued to set the table. Riley looked at me and I nodded, knowing what she was thinking.

"I'll be just fine," I said. And then the doorbell rang.

I stepped back and swallowed, looking down at my hands which were wringing themselves together.

"I'll grab it," Farkle said, placing the last dish on the table. He walked around the island and gave Riley a quick peck on the lips before passing me and squeezing my shoulder in comfort on his way to the front door.

"Peaches?" Riley asked quietly as we heard the door open and Farkle conversing with him.

I smiled weakly and grabbed the chain around my neck, lifting it from under the top of my dress. The small ring that I now chose to wear more subtly dangled from the thin necklace.

"Ring power," I said quietly.

Riley smiled and then looked up and behind me.

"Lucas!" She greeted him with the same cheery and charming tone that had graced her for 26 years, "It's good to see you,"

I looked down again at the ring on my chain and tucked it back into my dress. I smoothed my skirt for the millionth time and turned around.

"Hi, Lucas,"


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey," Lucas said, and moved forward to give me a hug. I awkwardly stuck out my hand for a handshake, but mentally cursed myself upon seeing his confused expression at my outstretched hand. A beat passed before he grabbed it and shook it, and caught my gaze with his.

"I'm glad you're here, Maya" He said. It was like we were the only two people in the room, yet I knew in my head that that was the farthest thing from the truth. Us two were nowhere near the people we used to be, at least I wasn't. Regardless, tonight wasn't about me, or Lucas, or the two of us together in any way but in support for our friends. This was an evening to celebrate Riley and Farkle, not to dwell on the past.

I just nodded, not sure what to say, and quickly moved past him toward the table.

I went to take my seat which I'd agreed to let Riley place next to his. It only made sense to have the couple we were celebrating sit next to one another. I told Riley I was a big girl and that I could handle sitting next to him for one night. I know she was just trying to look out for me but I also wanted to believe that I didn't need babysitting at the dinner table.

I sat down and suddenly felt the chair moving. I glanced up and realized that he was pushing my chair in and he met my eyes once again. We held our gaze while he sat down until I felt my face beginning to flush and I broke away. I busied myself with placing my napkin in my lap and making sure the silverware was all in the exact right place. I felt a hand on top of mine after I'd shifted my fork around for the third time and looked up to see Riley with a concerned look on her face. Her eyebrows scrunched together and I nodded again, letting her know she had nothing to worry about. Because she didn't, I was fine. She brought her hand back to her lap and we looked up as Farkle brought over the main dish and placed it in the middle of the table. Riley began serving everyone as Farkle brought out the rest of the food and Lucas passed the plates to Riley.

Halfway through the meal I'd taken exactly four bites of my dinner. The conversation was loud and lively and, while I had chimed in a couple of times, I essentially kept my mouth shut the entire meal. I felt terrible. There I was shifting the rice around my plate with my fork that was most definitely in the right spot, zoning in and out of my own little world. My mind was spinning with thoughts and feelings that I found myself unable to comprehend and I was starting to feel dizzy from all of the commotion inside my brain.

All of a sudden it was too much. I rested my fork down on my plate and gently placed my napkin on the table. I pushed back my chair and I heard the conversation stop.

"Bathroom," I managed to say before I hurried out of the dining room.

I vaguely remember hearing Riley call after me but I couldn't turn around and look at his face again.

I grabbed my coat from my room down the hall and pulled it on. It was a beautiful spring night but still cool and it felt like there was a chill all through my bones. I made my way out of the room and down the hall.

I had to pass the dining room to get to the front door therefore there was no way I would be able to sneak out.

"Maya," Riley called as I tried to speed past the dining room toward the door. I stopped and looked at her, pleading with my eyes for her not to say anything more.

She was standing up and Farkle had his hand on her shoulder. Lucas wouldn't look at me and Riley looked broken inside, like she'd failed.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I just- I'm sorry," I grabbed the handle and yanked the door open, pulling it shut behind me. I didn't dare wait for the elevator; it felt like I was suffocating. I flew down flight after flight of stairs until I finally burst out the door into the open air. I grabbed the shoes off my feet and tucked them under my arm. The ground was still freezing but I couldn't be bothered anymore. That's when I started to run.


	5. Chapter 5

My lungs were burning and my chest was heaving by the time I convinced myself it was okay to stop. I'd made it to a park roughly six or seven blocks from their apartment building and had wound my way through the dark greenery until I spotted a bench under a streetlight. I let go of my shoes, letting them fall to the ground and dropped onto the bench. I couldn't feel my feet, I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't get my thoughts straight.

So I sat there, for I don't know how long, just staring at the dark patch of trees ahead of me. I could hear the noise of the city in the background, after all, it never slept. I did my best to try and drown everything else out, but it was to no avail. My head was spinning and my brain wouldn't stop.

"Maya," I jumped. I looked over to where the voice had come from and immediately looked back at the ground, gripping the metal slats of the bench I was sitting on.

"Maya," He said again, this time moving closer to me. I could feel my toes curling in and my shoulders hunching over. My entire body was retracting at the thought of him stepping into my life again.

I shut my eyes and heard him sit softly on the bench next to me. I felt him place a hand on mine and immediately take it away, "Maya, you're freezing!"

I shrugged deeper into my coat and shook my head.

"I'm fine," I croaked, my voice raspy and unwilling to participate in the conversation that had been put on hold since I'd left.

"No, you're not, you're not fine, Maya, you weren't fine three years ago when you decided to walk out, you weren't fine when you convinced Riley to refuse to tell me where you'd gone, and you're very clearly not fine now," He said.

"Maya, you're crying," I looked up at him, my eyes wide. I touched my fingers to my cheek and realized that they were, in fact, damp, and that I was, in fact, crying.

"Here," He said, reaching forward and brushing his thumb across my cheek. I shuddered and looked away.

I swore to myself under my breath and wiped at my face again. I could feel it flushing and getting ruddy.

"Maya, what happened?" He asked. I didn't answer.

"Was it something I did?" He tried again.

"Damn it, Maya! Why won't you just tell me? Do you know how hard it's been the last three years? Do you know how I felt when you left? Are you aware of how selfish of a decision that was? To leave Riley and Farkle, and me? You had a life here, Maya, an entire life and you just up and left it for no reason to take a job clear across the country. Why? Why would you do that? Were you even thinking of all of the aftershocks you left when you decided to explode? This is real life Maya, and we're real people. You don't just get to leave-,"

"Stop!" I screamed suddenly, "Stop, just stop!" I found myself standing up and facing him. For the first time since I'd gotten here, I was properly looking at Lucas.

He hadn't changed much. He still had the same complexion, the same familiar eyes. His hair was cut a little differently, his jaw wider set, and his shoulders more broad. He'd grown up, and I realized that I had too.

"Did it ever occur to you that I may not have wanted to leave?" I whispered.

He opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again.

"I am fully aware of what I chose to let go of, what I chose to leave behind, and, believe me, it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. But I had to. I couldn't let myself do that to you, I couldn't ruin that for you,"

"Ruin what, Maya?" He asked, standing up, "What could you have possibly ruined for me?"

"Love." I stated.

"What?" He asked, seeming utterly confused, "Maya, what on Earth are you talking about?"

I just shook my head, "Lucas, I am not someone you want to be in a relationship with. I am not someone who is meant to be someone else's other half. I'm broken, Lucas. I've been broken for a long time. My dad left because he knew he couldn't provide what we needed in any aspect at that time, and I struggled to understand that for a long time. Three years ago, I finally figured it out. I am just like him; I couldn't give you what you wanted, I wasn't enough, I wasn't ever going to _be_ enough,"

"Maya, that's not true-,"

"Yes, it is! It is, Lucas. I am not meant to be someone's girlfriend, or fiancée or wife, I am not someone's person, I'm not, I'm just not. I realized that a long time ago. I realized that I was ruining it for you, taking you away from finding true happiness in a long-lasting relationship with someone you were meant to be with, so I had to leave. I couldn't do that to you, Lucas, I couldn't take away all of the possibilities of what could have been for you. I couldn't hold you back anymore." I said, my voice breaking.

I bent down and grabbed my shoes, wrapping my arms around myself as I stood back up.

"I can't do this, Lucas, I can't take anymore away from you." I turned to leave, hoping that I was going the right way out of the park.

"I loved you, Maya," I heard behind me. His voice was small and shaking, but I knew I was making the right choice.

I shut my eyes tight and let out a breath, "I love you too," I whispered, and made my way down the sidewalk away from him.


	6. Chapter 6

I tried to be as quiet as possible when reentering Riley and Farkle's apartment. I thought I'd succeeded at not waking either of them up until I heard Riley's voice from the other room as I was closing the front door.

"Maya?" She called. I could hear her soft steps on the wooden floors getting closer and I stood up straighter, letting my hand still holding my shoes drop to my side.

She walked into the hallway and I saw that there was a light on in her office behind her.

"Hey," I said sheepishly. I set my shoes down on the floor and took off my coat, draping it over my arm, "I'm gonna just go to bed, okay Riles?"

I tried to make my way past her but she placed a hand on my arm to stop me. I turned back and looked at her.

She was in her pajamas. Long pants that were brightly patterned, an old t-shirt of Farkle's and the thinnest, most worn-in sweater you'd ever seen that she'd had, and loved, since high school. Her hair was down, tucked behind her ear, and she had circles under her eyes. She was tired, I could tell.

"Maya, you can't just go and run off and not expect me to be worried," She said calmly, "I mean, we were all so worried, Farkle tried to go after you but Lucas wouldn't let him, he did it himself. Maya, I get it, New York is a difficult place to be in for you right now and seeing Lucas after all this time definitely triggered some things, but I just want to make sure you're okay?" Her voice was calm and steady and unintrusive and I so badly wanted to be mad at her right now for trying to pry but that was the exact opposite of what she was actually doing. She was being a good friend, something she'd been to me for all these years, and I didn't deserve it.

"I'm fine, Riles, I promise. Everything will be fine, and I'll be fine," I said, picking my shoes back up, "I'm really tired, I'm gonna go to bed now."

I shifted my coat to my other arm and placed a hand on her shoulder. I attempted to turn up the corners of my mouth into a smile, but we both knew that it was far from convincing. After a moment, I made my way back down the hallway and into the guestroom where I was staying.

I shut the door behind me, and set my things down on the chair in the corner. The moon was shining through the large window to the side of the bed and there was a breeze coming through the bottom of the window where it was open slightly.

I undressed, peeling off all of the memories that now tainted the dress I was wearing, and changed into an old t-shirt from high school advertising an art show that I'd organized senior year and some worn-in pajama pants.

I climbed into the bed and buried myself deep under the covers. The room was chilly thanks to the breeze but it felt good burrowing into the blankets.

I heard the door creak and I sat up a little, looking across the room. A small beam of light streamed in through the crack in the door but no one was there. I laid back down and suddenly felt a small thud near my feet. I sat up again and realized that Violet had pushed the door open. Riley had warned me that she'd recently learned how to do that, but I didn't care.

She mewed at me and I reached forward, grabbing her gently and pulling her toward me. I laid back down, and Violet curled up by my side, snuggling into the folds on top of the blankets. I stroked her softly and stared out the window.

I leaned forward to place a peck on the cat's head. She was softly snoring once again as I laid back and pulled the sheets up higher, sighing. All I wanted in life was to find my own purple cat, and I knew I wasn't going to find it here.

* * *

Just a quick update, sorry it's short. There is more coming, I just have an event to go to tonight. I'll try to write/post another chapter this evening if not tomorrow!

Thank you for all of your kind support and reviews. I haven't written anything in a long time, and it's good to see a fandom that, amidst much conflict, can unite to support their fic writers.

Best,  
Elizabeth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Note: There is a curse word in here. You have been forewarned.**

* * *

By 9 AM I'd booked my flight back to Seattle for early that afternoon. I had yet to tell Riley so I'd been staying put in the guestroom, packing with the door closed.

Around 11 I was finished getting everything together, straightening the room, and getting ready myself. My hair was down, I had no makeup on, I was wearing old, comfortable clothes, and I was no further from battling my internal conflict than I was the night before.

I lifted my suitcase off the bed and looked around the room for the last time. I made my way to the door, opening it quietly, before making the trek down the hallway to the front door. I was carrying my suitcase rather than rolling it so as not to give away the fact that I was leaving too soon. I set it down near the door and stood up. I could hear Farkle and Riley in the other room. I listened closer, it almost sounded like Riley was crying.

"I just want her to be happy, Farkle," She said quietly, followed by a small sniffle.

"I know, Riley, but, Maya's her own person, she always has been. You've been a great best friend to her all these years, and she appreciates you so much, I can tell." I heard Farkle reply.

Riley's voice sounded small, "I just want to fix it all." All I wanted to do was give her a hug and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't, I couldn't stay here.

"Sometimes you can't fix everything, as much as you want to. She'll figure this one out on her own, I have faith in her, and you should too," Farkle said.

I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen where they were sitting.

"Riles?" I said quietly.

"Hey," She said, wiping at her face and pushing her chair back to stand up.

"No, no, sit down, Riles, it's okay," I said, stepping back.

"Maya? What's going on?" Farkle asked. It was like that boy had a sixth sense for knowing when something was going to happen.

I looked down. "Why is your coat on?" Riley asked, and I looked up. I saw her lean forward and peer into the hallway, "Why do you have your suitcase, Maya, are you leaving?"

I closed my eyes and breathed. I hated doing this to her, to Farkle, disappointing them. It's all I ever did and it looked like it was all I was ever going to do.

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm leaving," I said quietly.

She stood up and Farkle followed. "What? Why? Is this because of Lucas, because you can fix that, we can fix that, we can help you-,"

"No, Riley, it's not because of him," I half-lied, "I just can't be here anymore, okay? I can't really explain it, but someday I will, look- I'm sorry. I know this was to celebrate you guys and I'm making it about me, and I'm sorry. I want you guys to be happy and I know that won't happen if I'm here in New York mucking things up."

"Maya-," Farkle started to protest, but I turned around, making my way to the hall where my bag was.

"I'm sorry," I said, and reached for the door. I pulled it open and took a step forward, looking back at my best friends. I turned back to the doorway and was about to step out when the one person I wanted to avoid most in this world rounded the corner of the landing and started to make his way up the flight of stairs right toward me.

"Maya?" Lucas asked, stopping in the middle of the staircase.

Shit.

I looked back and Riley and Farkle were standing right behind me. I had nowhere to go.

"You're leaving? You just got here," He said, his face flashing a hurt expression before turning angry.

I shrunk back into my coat, I'd only seen Lucas angry a handful of times and it was not pretty. Especially being the one he was angry with.

"She said she can't stay here," Farkle piped up from behind me.

I looked down.

"Is this because of me?" Lucas asked quietly, his tone unreadable.

"No-," I started, but Riley interrupted.

"Yes, Lucas, it is. It's been because of you for three years! She's making stupid, irrational, hurtful decisions because of you," She said. I looked at her, my mouth wide open, but I couldn't find anything to say.

"Yes, Maya, I did just say that. I had to grow a backbone sometime, didn't I? Look, I'm not mad at you, Peaches, I just care for you, and I don't want you to keep making selfish decisions that don't make sense! Think about the other people you're hurting here! Think about all of the aftershocks you're causing!"

"I had to explode sometime, Riles," I said quietly.

"Maya, you can't just keep running away from your problems! Someday, like right now, they're going to catch up with you! Running isn't the answer here-," I interrupted her.

"Why does everyone keep telling me what I can and cannot do!?" I yelled, exasperated. It was silent.

I looked around at them. They had grown up, and we'd all, very clearly, become different people.

"I am a grown adult, I can make my own decisions. I can choose to leave if I want to and I can choose to keep running and if that's irrational and selfish than I guess that's what I am," I gripped my suitcase handle and turned to Riley and Farkle, "Look, Riley, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I am such a shitty friend and I'm sorry that I keep ruining things for you and Farkle. I'm sorry I keep screwing up,"

I turned to Lucas, lifting up my bag off the floor, "And you, I'm sorry I ran, but it's just what I do. I'm a flight-risk, and- and I can't help it. I am exactly who everyone told me I would turn out to be- my father. I don't deserve this," I gestured between the two of us, "I don't deserve any of this. I wish you the best in life, I really do. I'm sorry, I just- I'm sorry,"

I gripped my bag tightly and pushed past Lucas on the stairs, flying down each set of steps until I got to the lobby. It was eerily reminiscent of the night before and I cursed myself for ruining the only two nights I'd been here for Riley and Farkle. I pushed the door open in the lobby and found myself standing under a very grey sky that had thunder rumbling over the sound of traffic.

"I need a cab, please," I told the doorman. He nodded, clearly seeing I was distressed, and got to work immediately, calling for a taxi on the small phone he had with him. A moment later the yellow car rounded the corner and I thanked him. I was lowering the handle on my bag when I heard the door fly open behind me.

"Maya," I heard Lucas shout breathlessly. It started to sprinkle, the wind picking up.

I turned around, looking back and forth between the cab and the person I had spent so long avoiding .

"Please, Maya, just hear me out," I shook my head and took a step toward the cab.

"You're being selfish!" He shouted as the rain picked up.

I stopped.

"You're being selfish, and irrational, and impulsive," He yelled.

I turned around.

"You can't just leave again, Maya, you can't do this again," He said, stepping out into the rain, closer to me.

I stepped back, and he reached forward and grabbed hold of both of my arms.

"I can do whatever I want, Lucas, I can make decisions for myself! I know what I need, and what I need to do is to leave! This is not some love story ending, Lucas, this isn't a Nicholas Spark's novel. I'm not your person, you deserve someone who can do so much better than I can," He shook his head and I nodded.

"It's raining Lucas, so just stop! I'm leaving and that's that and you can't do anything about it! Now Let. Me. Go!" I said trying to shake off his hold on me, but he pulled me closer, gently grabbed either side of my face and kissed me.


	8. Chapter 8

"Riles?" I asked quietly, my voice cracking, as I stepped back into their apartment. I was dragging my suitcase behind me and I was soaked.

"Peaches?" She said, coming into the front hallway. She looked at me and I burst into tears again.

"Hey, it's okay," She said coming toward me and pulling me into a hug. I gripped her tight and she held me back. We stood there for a while, the entire apartment echoing with the sounds of my sobs and her calming voice.

After it seemed like my tears had run dry for the moment, she let go of me and looked me in the eyes.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" I nodded and followed her back down the hallway to the guestroom I'd left that morning. I stood there in the middle of the room feeling helpless and out of place as Riley scurried around gathering clean towels and a fresh set of her pajamas for me to wear. She started the shower and set everything out as I would need it before coming back into the room.

"Maya, go on and take a shower, you'll feel better, clear your mind. Then we'll talk." I nodded again and made my way into the bathroom shutting the door behind me. I heard the door to the guestroom click as well and did not doubt that Riley would be back to check on me in no longer than twenty minutes.

I peeled all of the wet clothing off of me and draped it along the edges of the laundry basket that stood in the corner of the bathroom so it would begin to dry. Shivering, I stepped into the shower and let the scalding water beat against my back. I was crying again.

I didn't understand why I was so upset. _I_ was the one who made the decisions that I did, _I_ was the one who'd pushed him away, _I_ was the one who tried to leave again. No matter what I did, Lucas kept coming back. He'd let me leave, yes, but he'd also been there when I'd returned. He continued to be loyal despite my flighty actions and I didn't know how I could ever repay him.

I mindlessly scrubbed my hair clean and washed my whole body until it was raw. I didn't realize how long I had been in there until I heard Riley knocking on the door.

"Maya? Are you okay?" I turned the handle to off and the water stopped. "Yeah, I'll be right out." I said loud enough that she would be able to hear me through the door.

I stepped out of the shower and onto the bathmat, shielding my feet from the cold tile floor. I grabbed one of the towels Riley had set out for me and wrapped it around my body. My hair was dripping wet and my skin was pink from the scrubbing but I felt clean. I felt ready to start again.

I dressed in the fresh set of pajamas that Riley had left for me and rung out my hair in the towel. I let it sit over my shoulders and dampen my top, but I didn't care. I was exhausted and I didn't want to have to worry about my appearance.

Opening the door and stepping out into the cool air of the bedroom, I realized that Riley was nowhere to be seen. I saw that the guestroom door was open so I padded my way down the hall to the only other place I could assume she'd be.

When I entered Riley's office, I found her curled up at her bay window holding a steaming mug with Violet sitting sleepily on her lap. She looked over at me as I walked in and set her mug down. I shut the door behind me and made my way over to the bay window, curling up opposite her and taking the second mug as she handed it to me. It was tea, something I didn't usually drink, but I'm sure it was a calming type and that Riley thought it would help me.

I took a sip and nestled the mug in between my knees, which I had drawn up to my chest.

"Are you okay?" Riley asked quietly. I looked out the window. It was still grey and dreary and there were paths drawn by the day's earlier raindrops strewn across her window.

"Maya- it's okay not to be," She finished.

I looked down at Violet. She was staring right back at me. I looked up to Riley and saw that she was doing the same.

I let out a breath, "I don't know, I just- I really don't know." I said.

"Maya-,"

"I mean, I love him, I know that, I've _known_ that," I continued. Riley was silent.

"I just, I don't know if I'm ready to do this again. The whole relationship thing. I don't think I'm good for him, I'm not _good_ at staying. I get scared and I run, it's what I do. I don't know if I can do that to him again," I said, looking back down at my mug.

"But you love him," Riley said quietly, "And he loves you. Doesn't that count for something?"

"He doesn't love me-," I shook my head

"Yes, Maya! He does! Why don't you understand that?" I just sat there.

"He loves you, Maya, he has for years. You ran off across the country and he tried to move on but he couldn't. That's what you didn't see- you didn't see him struggle endlessly with the fact that he couldn't let go of you, but you weren't there anymore. He loved you enough to give you that space and to know that it wasn't the right time to go after you. He loves you enough to have gone after you last night because he knew it was time. Maya, he loves you, okay? He does."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, not sure what to say. Riley's phone buzzed and I saw her glance at me before looking at it. She quickly slipped it back in her pocket and grabbed the mug of tea I'd set down on the window sill.

"That was Farkle, I'll be back, Maya, okay?" She placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at her, giving her a small nod.

She stood up and walked out of the room, Violet pitter pattering after her. I looked out the window again and wiped at my face. I'd started crying again. I couldn't help it anymore. It seemed like all I could do was cry.

There was a knock on the doorframe a few minutes later, and I barely glanced at the door before wiping at my face and calling for Riley to come in. I held my gaze at the skyline as it began to rain again and only looked back over when I felt someone sit down across from me.

"Hey,"

"Lucas what are you doing here," I asked, feeling my face flush as I attempted to wipe away any evidence of tears.

He grabbed my hand gently and I stopped. He held my hand between us. I stared down at it and looked back up at him.

"I needed to be here," He said, "I needed to make sure you knew I wasn't going to leave you,"

I felt myself tearing up again, so I looked back down at our hands.

"Maya," He lifted my chin back up so I was eye-to-eye with him, "You are an amazing person and a remarkable friend to us all and I want to know that you understand that. You have to see how much you mean to Farkle and Riley- to me. Maya, I stayed. I'll keep staying no matter how many times you run because it doesn't matter how far away you get, you'll always have someone to go back to,"

"Lucas,"

"No, Maya, listen to me! I care for you! I love you, can't you see that? You mean everything to me, I just want to know if you want me to stay this time because if you don't I'll go,"

I looked up. His green eyes were foggy with concern and honesty. His voice was earnest and I knew that he meant what he said.

"No," I said quietly. His face fell, and I felt his hand go limp. I grabbed it again, taking both of his hands in mine.

"Don't leave, I want you to stay, I- I want to stay."

His face grew into a hesitant smile, "Are you being serious?" He asked me, his voice almost a whisper.

I reached up, cupping his face with my hand and smiled softly. "Yes, Huckleberry, I'm being serious," I breathed.

He grinned and I slid my hand down to his shoulder. He brought both hands up to my face and drew me in close. Our lips touched and it was everything I remembered it to be. It was gentle and familiar and comfortable and it felt like home.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine. "I'm glad you decided to stay, shortstack,".


	9. Chapter 9

"Maya?" Riley's soft voice filtered into the room. She had her head poked into the room and was seemingly looking to me for an answer.

I smiled and nodded and Lucas turned around. Riley's face broke into the biggest grin I'd ever seen and suddenly she wasn't in the doorway anymore but running down the hallway screaming "It worked! Farkle, our plan worked!"

I laughed gently and Lucas turned back around, smiling at me with warmth in his eyes.

He stood up and offered his hand, "M'lady"

I raised an eyebrow and took his hand, "You'll never stop being a cowboy, will you?" I smiled.

"Nope," He said with a grin, "Not as long as I'm with you."

I squeezed his hand and we made our way out of the room and down the hall to where Riley was still fangirling over us to Farkle. She gave me a big hug and Farkle patted Lucas on the shoulder. We still had a long way to go and a lot of things to figure out but we were content with just enjoying our time together with our friends for the time being.

Because I was happy. We were happy. Together.

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading and for all of your kindness and encouragement in your reviews! This had a larger following than I could have ever expected and I'm so glad that you all enjoyed this story because I enjoyed writing it! I'm working on a few other ideas for right now so hopefully I'll be able to post a new one soon!**

 **Best,**

 **Elizabeth.**


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